Reflective review - Object that protects me.
In this text I will reflect on one of my latest performance. This performance took place in June 2022 during my 4th year of study as Erasmus student at The Faculty of Fine Arts (FBAUP). In this reflection I will explain how my project was formed by thoughts that led to intentions and behavior which resulted in the performance called: Object that protects me. First I will explain my motives for this project. Second I will describe the techniques that were used for this performance. Third I will reflect on my approach of the connection between performance and drawing. At last I will give my conclusive thoughts about the performance and future ideas about my next projects.
A lot of my inspiration is found in destruction and healing. To explain the purest origin of my motives, it is best to look at my early writings about this project. The writings portray a mix of feelings, states and emotions that I tried to catch on paper and are associated with catharsis. Together with the quote they form the beginning of my project.
The heart as the site of the event, the scene of the crime. Blood is a sign that it is happening now. Blood is a consequence. Blood is a verb of suffering. Blood flows, all the suffering contained in it flows, all the information of trauma, of painful suffering.
To survive, to tame demons, to know them - to know myself. The demon, the shadow is none other than my reflection in the mirror. This demon is me.
Am I a demon? Am I good or bad?
Categorizing ourselves will make life easier?
Does evil exist ? Is it lack of acceptance, lack of conversation, frustration, blocking emotions, forcing yourself to be someone you are not, cheating your instincts, not answering your needs, silencing your inner voice? Not talking, just swallowing.
The body is like a shell, and under it was all the mystery. The body is a mask that hides the truth.
I want to go through a transformation. I want to come out of shell, I want to show what's inside.
I want to be a demon, I am that demon.
I consciously allow it to come out. I bring controlled chaos and a whole spectrum of emotions into my life. The demon is an important aspect in my life, it is part of my identity.
I go to those dark stations of my life to heal it, to know, to ask why?
Also my inspiration derives from a quote of Małgorzata Dancewicz. The quote says blood is a medium of meanings. Blood can connect but also divide. Blood determines the difference between life and death. The original quote is in Polish as shown below:
“Krew jest nośnikiem znaczeń, które odwołują się do wyobraźni równie silnie w obu przypadkach. Postrzegana w kategoriach gatunkowej przynależności lub odrębności jest tym, co łączy, ale i dzieli. Krew decyduje o różnicy między życiem a śmiercią, a zatem kategoryzuje świat na ludzkie i nieludzkie. Granica jest zakreślona wyrazi- ście i nieodwołalnie. Twórcy performance’ów i pro- jektów z zakresu nowych mediów eksplorują zróżni- cowaną symbolikę krwi, używając jej jako medium, narzędzia i tworzywa.” [1]
Performance art is know to have a strong ritual character.[2] As said before, the thoughts and quote form the original idea for my project. Together they are transferred into a tension full performance with a ritual character, that is balancing between the concepts of destruction and healing. The dagger used in the performance has the shape of flames that are seen in fire. The element of fire is the element I feel associated with most.
For my performance I made an aluminum dagger. The technique used to create it is metal casting. I connected the dagger with metal wire to the Playtronica controller which is connected to the computer. I ground my body by another metal wire connected to the controller. When the dagger touches my skin, the electrical circuit is closed. The software of the Playtronica program enables the creation of sound. Sound allowed to capture presence of touch.
The performance "Rest Energy from"[3] from Marina and Ulay have an impact on the visuals and aesthetics of my art project. In my performance there was a certain feeling of crossing a boundary or more like a question of where that boundary is.
Another inspiration is Dermographism which is an interesting phenomenon for me. Dermatographia is a skin condition that causes raised marks. Scratching, rubbing and pressure cause the reaction. An artist who uses this ailment in her work is Ariana Page Russell. An example is her "Skin"[4] project.
Above is a symbolic drawing. The sketch refers to the emotion, trying to locate it. When I drew it in the sketchbook and tried to define it , I came to the conclusion that the place is not on the paper but on my chest. The area around my heart is the location. Therefore, I decided to do what it feels like. I drew with a dagger on my skin this important drawing. The entire electronic and sound system also shows the limit of the entire station in which I am located. The uncomfortable construction causes a kind of limitation. I see here the influence of performance “Drawing Restraint”[5] by Matthew Barney.
In this work a contradiction can be perceived related to the dagger. The use of an object with an aggressive connotation complementing it with protective qualities. This action gives me many answers but also many questions appear. One of the biggest questions is: Does the drawing on my body have an Apotropaic mark? This performance is the beginning of having a certain discussion with my inner voice.
video: https://youtu.be/KyVqqecojLI
