One night I was spokeing with my
friend Marta about life which consist of waiting. This conversation
opened my mind to create and working around the theme of waiting. I
reminded myself about one of my favourite play written by Samuel
Beckett “Waiting for a Godot”.
I
read this text many years ago at school and still I have it in my
mind. A bit naïve, a bit childish without going deeper and deeper in
that topic. It was that waiting is unchangable state, so it is some
kind of waisting time. But now, after a couple of years I know that
it is only seemingly unchangable state. And seemingly is a key word
which had main influence on my performative drawing.
I
asked myself and I confronted with my friends: what does it mean to
wait? I found a quote that describes it perfectly."Life is made
up of waiting. Or rather, maybe a series of smaller and larger
moments of waiting. Waiting is constantly
for something or for someone. Sometimes impatient, sometimes with
fear. Sometimes, even unconsciously."(Marcin Szczygieł)
Every
day I passed people who waiting for something, for bus, friends for
green light. They inspired me to. I took few photos of them. I would
like to get closer to this topic and I was tring to observe them very
cearflully to get some knowladge about how waiting reflects on human
apperiance.
Waiting
is a state between events.
I
had some impresions that waiting could look like line, not crooked
but straight line, a remark that I made before I started to follow
this topic.
When
I started my exploration (like I used to do) I would like to know
what about this state philosophers said. Time is very importante
concept influencing this theme. Henri
Bergson claimed that we
experience time as a dimension dictated by the movement of the clock
but, if we allow intuition to dominate over our experience of time
and our habitual intellectual mode of inquiry, we may become
intensely aware of our lived experience, of our moment by moment
experience of time. As Bergson explained, the objective measurement
of time by a clock is only an artificial and abstract representation
of science that people need for practical purposes. Real time is
durée, that is, continuous duration with each moment flowing with
our memory of the past and as it appears to us in new and
unrepeatable ways.
Gilles
Deleuze writes in his Dialogues:
“It is never the beginning or the end which are interesting; the
beginning and end are points. What is interesting is the middle—all
the points between the beginning and end”. This sentence confirmed
my thoughts about seemingly unchangable state of waiting.
When
we think of waiting as an opportunity, as goal-oriented and as a
meaning-making activity, we are able to re-evaluate the nature of our
experience at any time during our life: now, in the past or in the
days and years to come. The act of waiting, and the person who waits,
in this case myself, becomes a dynamic project. Performance
created by Faith Wilding is an interesting example of the way how
artist in that case performative artist express problem of waiting.
Like
I wrote above I was observing people in act of waiting. It was few
kinds of movemant, facial expresion. In a hurry, laizy, without hope.
To expres waiting as a performative action it could be presentsed as
videos of waiting people to catch all kinds of this action. But how
to connect this state with drawing (when I am talking about this
state I mean seemingly unchangable condition). It should be something
like at first glance, it must look as if nothing has changed. I chose
printmaking paper 200g, this thickness helps me to obtain invisible
movemnts without rapid destruction of paper which I draw by
discharged pen without ink.
Doodles
created without thinking were movements to be in the habit of doing
when something is expected. I observed that kind of scribbles in a
lot of situation. Thought that this will be the best way to do this
performance.
I
documented this action by photos and short movie. I started drawing
in a middle of the sheet of paper with circular gesturs. time spent
for doodles spread over the entire surface until the edges of the
sheet. I feel this pattern more by touching than by my eyes. I took
the bored position of my body to show my first impresion about
waiting that it's waste of time. I did not measure how many hours I
spent to make this action. When I am waiting time goes without
measure by clock.I
am not sure that this drawing will be understandable for all people.
I hope this action will have some influence for my further works.Waiting
always change something, during this state we did not switch of the
brain, we are still thinking and maybe in the cours of waiting we
will come the best idea ever. At I hope so.
