One night I was spokeing with my friend Marta about life which consist of waiting. This conversation opened my mind to create and working around the theme of waiting. I reminded myself about one of my favourite play written by Samuel Beckett “Waiting for a Godot”.
I read this text many years ago at school and still I have it in my mind. A bit naïve, a bit childish without going deeper and deeper in that topic. It was that waiting is unchangable state, so it is some kind of waisting time. But now, after a couple of years I know that it is only seemingly unchangable state. And seemingly is a key word which had main influence on my performative drawing.
I asked myself and I confronted with my friends: what does it mean to wait? I found a quote that describes it perfectly."Life is made up of waiting. Or rather, maybe a series of smaller and larger moments of waiting. Waiting is constantly for something or for someone. Sometimes impatient, sometimes with fear. Sometimes, even unconsciously."(Marcin Szczygieł)
Every day I passed people who waiting for something, for bus, friends for green light. They inspired me to. I took few photos of them. I would like to get closer to this topic and I was tring to observe them very cearflully to get some knowladge about how waiting reflects on human apperiance.
Waiting is a state between events.
I had some impresions that waiting could look like line, not crooked but straight line, a remark that I made before I started to follow this topic.
When I started my exploration (like I used to do) I would like to know what about this state philosophers said. Time is very importante concept influencing this theme. Henri Bergson claimed that we experience time as a dimension dictated by the movement of the clock but, if we allow intuition to dominate over our experience of time and our habitual intellectual mode of inquiry, we may become intensely aware of our lived experience, of our moment by moment experience of time. As Bergson explained, the objective measurement of time by a clock is only an artificial and abstract representation of science that people need for practical purposes. Real time is durée, that is, continuous duration with each moment flowing with our memory of the past and as it appears to us in new and unrepeatable ways.
Gilles Deleuze writes in his Dialogues: “It is never the beginning or the end which are interesting; the beginning and end are points. What is interesting is the middle—all the points between the beginning and end”. This sentence confirmed my thoughts about seemingly unchangable state of waiting.
When we think of waiting as an opportunity, as goal-oriented and as a meaning-making activity, we are able to re-evaluate the nature of our experience at any time during our life: now, in the past or in the days and years to come. The act of waiting, and the person who waits, in this case myself, becomes a dynamic project. Performance created by Faith Wilding is an interesting example of the way how artist in that case performative artist express problem of waiting.
Like I wrote above I was observing people in act of waiting. It was few kinds of movemant, facial expresion. In a hurry, laizy, without hope. To expres waiting as a performative action it could be presentsed as videos of waiting people to catch all kinds of this action. But how to connect this state with drawing (when I am talking about this state I mean seemingly unchangable condition). It should be something like at first glance, it must look as if nothing has changed. I chose printmaking paper 200g, this thickness helps me to obtain invisible movemnts without rapid destruction of paper which I draw by discharged pen without ink.
Doodles created without thinking were movements to be in the habit of doing when something is expected. I observed that kind of scribbles in a lot of situation. Thought that this will be the best way to do this performance.
I documented this action by photos and short movie. I started drawing in a middle of the sheet of paper with circular gesturs. time spent for doodles spread over the entire surface until the edges of the sheet. I feel this pattern more by touching than by my eyes. I took the bored position of my body to show my first impresion about waiting that it's waste of time. I did not measure how many hours I spent to make this action. When I am waiting time goes without measure by clock.I am not sure that this drawing will be understandable for all people. I hope this action will have some influence for my further works.Waiting always change something, during this state we did not switch of the brain, we are still thinking and maybe in the cours of waiting we will come the best idea ever. At I hope so.